Symbolic Iconoclasm

Fuck the DMCA

Wed, 02 May 2007 03:53:03 GMT

09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 18:15:30 GMT

I changed my mind.

And I am still lol'ing @ u (not u, someone else u know)

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 00:18:34 GMT

Believe it or not I really feel shitty right now.

Work work

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 04:13:23 GMT

Just finished out the day of work. I have been putting a lot of hours in during the workday and after the work day. I like this type of schedule best. Up late working I wish I could go in late to work...

shit...

I have a meeting ass fucking early, gotta set alarm. Glad I thought of LJ and it reminded myself...

OK alarm set.

Tonight was not the night to break shit.

I have found myself getting on the soapbox a little more than usual. I attribute it to elections drawing near. I don't really know who the fuck is running in my district nor if I can even vote in my district since I am still registered in Athens.

Now would be a good time to start a politics blog... well, more like a few months ago. After elections things die. Not to mention the whole idea is very much done.

I do need to subscribe to Wired today. I picked one up at a client site and found so much cool web and PC shit in just a few pages.

marietta for the lose

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 12:44:17 GMT

Anyone living in or beyond the 'Ettas on the north side of Atlanta can go fuck themselves.

Because of your god given right to live in a <$150,000 home with a yard for your 2.3 children and little fucking dog I have to lose an hour of my life to do a simple thing like drive to and from Marietta in a morning! Fuck you people that have never been outside the South and have no idea what living in a city is supposed to look like. If you live thirty miles from where you work you are a fucking idiot. Do you not see the several million people that are on the same road with you at the same time? Do you somehow think this is not YOUR fault that YOU and more importantly ME have to suffer in this rediculous mosh pit of metal and asphalt? Why the hell did you sign a thirty year lease on a house so far in bumblefuck you still smell the manure? Do you feel like you are back to your redneck roots in the country with an cookie cutter cheapass plywood houses on either of your four sides in your quaint little cul-de-sac? At some point don't you get tired of it all and just blow your fucking head off? Save one car on the road!

Do you realize that if you spend 45 minutes each way you are wasting over 15 months of your life out of the time you spend paying off the mortgage on that quaint little fucking house with a yard and a fence and a garage and fuck else in the Etta?

Yo mama!

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 11:17:49 GMT

Yo' momma's so fat, her weight seriously threatens her health and general well being.

yo mommas so fat that when she stands on her bathroom scale it gives a high reading! at least I assume it does. i've never actually seen her stand on a bathroom scale, but I bet if I did see it it would say that she weighs alot more than she should for her height and build, factoring in muscle mass and bone structure of course. and that's not even counting water weight and bloating.

Yo momma's so fat that her weight is an obvious target of derision for your peers.

Your mother is above optimal weight/height ratios. Some would say grauitously above. Apprehend that, female dog.

Yo momma's so dumb that she scored far below average on the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale, even taking into account the test's reputed cultural bias.

99 problems plus 2

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 18:34:08 GMT

I heard an analogy once about a man and woman together are like brick and mortar to make a wall. I call BS.

I am content with life right now. I really don't want drama, at all, period. I want to beat that into more than one girls' heads right now. You and your stupid complications are pissing me off.

Am I talking about YOU? If you have to ask then probably not. If I saw you at any given time on Saturday then no.

And on a somewhat unrelated note I want to go on a tangent...

I get a lot of shit for being an asshole/raging dickhead. I am open about this because I want people to see the contrast. If a person is in needs, upset, depressed, etc. I am going to give them my ear and the help I can provide. So dont think I am just rude.

No, I am an asshole for a reason. That reason being I have seen some very strong, accomplished men be brought down by women. Julius Ceasar, Samson, Paris... real or fake the Pandora analogies of women bringing evil into the lives of men is pretty accurate.

When a guy complains to me that his girlfriend, wife, or whatever is giving him trouble and I suggest he sleep around I am very sincere. I am also called an asshole for the suggestion. How can I be such a monster as to imply someone should forego emotions and do something sooo hurtful? Boofuckinghoo, sleeping around (safely) causes no physical pain of any kind; the only pain a man can understand, and is thus harmless in truth. The complaint of trauma to feelings is a euphemism for "oh shit, I cant be a cunt anymore or he will find someone else!" Letting a someone know that her feminine hold over him is not as powerful as she thought will make her stop taking advantage of that man.

And therefor I applaud some steps friends of mine have taken in response to really bitch moves on their worse halves' part as of late.

One year later

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 18:33:00 GMT

$

omg $

Salary raise and big bonus. At my current billable this month I plan to make $xxxx. Time to go look at some big bikes... er, I mean pay debt.

Posting

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 16:08:50 GMT

Ya I havent posted in... months. I have had a lot happen actually that I have meant to post but just... didnt.

Had an adventure in Athens a few weeks ago that I dont really remember now.

I have found myself in a relationship.

Yoshimi is starting a modeling career.

I still have not gotten my review at work yet.

Ok, that works for breaking the ice again. We'll see if anything else comes up noteworthy.

muse

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 17:54:30 GMT

In reality, like in business, you are your own strongest competitor; competing with the things that hold back your potential versus those abilities that will push you to win.

August

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 16:30:11 GMT

"August kills poetry. For starters, it's too hot. You can feel the days shrinking. You can sense changes coming. August devours poets."
-Hart Seely

Weekend update

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 22:28:40 GMT

Pics from this trip:
Webshots Album

Over the week I am going to go back and post pictures I have on my computer but have not yet uploaded. This including pictures going all the way back to my May party... damn.

(written on plane)

Life.

Its what we do while we shine on Earth. I feel life when I hang out with my friends, old and new. It’s the most warming sensation to know that the people I have established bonds with now will always be known to me throughout life. Some will come and go but with a little work you’ll always know whats up in their neck of the woods.

Me, Kevin, and Deep. Three guys with so little in common besides the fact that we all graduated May 2005 from the University of Georgia. I don’t remember the first times we met nor the reasons we became close. I just know that these two dudes will be at my wedding. Shit, it sucks but due to the fact that this whole trip was centered around a wedding the discussion had to be on all three of our minds. Deep even mentioned something about “when one of us gets married.” That’s not the shit I want to be contemplating at age 24 but I realize its an inevitable fact of life.

And its not such a bad idea honestly. Sure, things will get complicated and maybe even the friendships will fizzle to nothing but a semi annual phone call. But I’d like my kids to know their kids and vice versa. A long time ago my dad told me that the friends you make in college will be the ones you keep for life, more or less. That seems to be true.

All three of us remarked on how crazy it seems that it has been over a year since we graduated from UGA. Its been a year of getting into our careers, dealing with relationship drama, and hitting up each other’s respective cities. Its been a great year.

Its been one year of many and hopefully many to come (seeing as how this one was almost my last out on 285 this week). There have been a lot of near misses with death no doubt. I believe that my frame, big and stout as it is, has saved me on many a physical injury. So long as I stay a stout motherfucker I’ll be fine.

But with each month my life seems to get better. More financially secure, more secure in myself, more fulfilled in general. I want to be like Seinfeld, go out on a great note. Eventually it is going to come down to getting married and having kids, my final real goal. And once complete I would like to dramatically increase the danger I put my body in. But the conundrum is that you want to stick around for kids, grandkids, etc.

I am thinking too far ahead. I am coming up on a life changing event. Well, either life changing or life non-changing. My one year on a job. Some would say its crazy to think its been that long but nah, its been that long. I’ve learned so much, been exposed to so much, been fired so much, met so many that I feel like I have been working for about 5. Its been great to grow and I am sure there is marginal room to further myself here for at least 3 year. That’s all going to be dependant on the review.

I am torn. Part of me wants to get a good review, start making big bucks, and live it up with new plans and ambitions based around my financial exuberance. But the other part of me wants to be told that I am really not that valuable an asset to the company, that they would rather not pay me big bucks now, etc. That would be a blessing unto itself. I would get by until November when my lease expires and then move. Boston, Chicago, Austin, Virginia, California, Florida. I have social networks to get me started in all these places. But even without them I could branch out from my work there. I have been blessed by some really cool people I have met through my current company that will always be my friends down here.

A big part of me wants to be the first and only member of my family, from both sides, to have ever left Georgia. Seriously, not a soul as far back as I can trace on either side within 5 generations has ever lived permanently outside of Georgia. But that is not the only reason. It’s a matter of personal growth… going where I feel led. I don’t feel roots here. I don’t like the politics. I am mildly intolerant of the people. Living in another state or even Europe is a goal. And next month I will know how soon it may become reality.

To Chicago (much delayed)

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 00:53:03 GMT

(written Friday)

I got a treat today while I was about to go through airport screening. I was walking like cattle through the lines of non-first class passengers when lo and behold did I see a familiar face. Anywhere you go you always study people’s faces for the remote chance it may be someone that you recognize. I did not expect to see anyone that fit that criteria before arriving to friends in Chicago but sure enough I did; none other than my (former) political nemesis, Ralph Reed. To say that he looked like shit would not be a ‘fair and balanced’ assessment. He was clean cut and well dressed and accompanied by his wife. But the look on his face was of utter disparity and fatigue. There was no life, no joy, just a look of exhaustion. Perhaps it was coupled with a disdain for his disposition; that of flying coach with the rest of the populace… his dreams of being one of the country’s elites shattered. I would like to think that the loss of the Lt. Governorship was the cause of his malaise. Then again, it was probably just jet lag.

I wondered what this vanquished drone of the Christian Right is up to these days. Had he lost all ambition and was forced to succumb to employment by men less impotent of power than he? Was there still a glimmer of hope left in him for his own controversy wracked political career? Either way I called out to him, “Mr. Reed!” He extended his hand for a shake. I met him in kind with my bandaged, ragged hand from the accident. “Sorry for your loss,” I said. His face then turned… but only slightly. It may have been that he was actually recognized; the minor celebrity he was. Or perhaps it was his months of public eye conditioning manifesting through habit. He gave me a forced smile. “We had a good run,” was his reply. I smiled, knowing there was no way he recognized me as the UGA undergrad that had shown up at the College Republican meetings every time he had spoke just to heckle his campaign and his corrupt political history. Its amazing the change in character and identity one can undergo from ‘fuck the world’ black cargo pants and black T-shirt to ‘I’m conforming!’ Polo shirt tucked into nice jeans.

I wanted to heckle him once more but the man was beaten. Now though, as I write, I realize I made a mistake. The fact that I knew of him… his face, his name, and what he stood for… proves that he did in fact “have a good run.” He pushed himself into the public spectacle and became known if for only a moment. That is more than the vast majority of people in the world can hope for; fame or infamy (I make no distinction). So perhaps next time should we meet I will ignore him. Falling into obscurity is the only real defeat for a man swimming in the sea of tumultuous government. Despite our differences of opinion and my zealous opposition to his rise to any position of power… I have always respected the man. Anyone that wields the weapons of PR, propaganda, and the opiate of the masses is truly a wise player in the realm of democracy.

When I got to the airport I was vaguely aware of the recent stupid guidelines regarding carryon luggage. I realized just before going into screening that I had to ditch my liquids and aerosols. That included my contact lens solution and Axe deodorant. While I was going through my bag I found I was also carrying the Very Sexy for Men cologne Robin had given to me a long time ago. I have been using this ever since and I like to consider it “my” scent. I thought briefly about its sentimental value and I left it in my bag. No way I was going to voluntarily throw it away. The least I could do is try to get it through and if anything was said give the screeners a warm and hearty “fuck you fascist” in opposition. When emptying my laptop, electronics, shoes, etc. into the bins I aligned the bottle upright and adjacent to some other things like my AC adapter. Walked through the metal detector, looked the guy in the eye, and then saw that my bag had gone through fine. They must realize how bullshit it is too.

I debating bringing my laptop on this trip. The bulky, 11+ pound power gaming machine that it is is not well suited for what I am doing now. My battered wrists ache as I type on the keyboard in my seat on the plane. The monitor is angled just enough so that I can see text on the LCD as there is not nearly enough room for an angle more than 90 degrees. Still, its been with me on all my trips. I’ve lugged it to Amsterdam, Boston, Miami, and now to Chicago. Its sort of like a hard, heavy, and bulky security blanket. Any time I need the internet I take solace in the fact that I have the tools. I’ve considered replacing Tatiana with some new hotness. Something skinnier, sexier, lighter, easier to manage. But she is still my baby. Oh, and ode to my laptop… it must be that percocet I took several minutes ago kicking in. Orthopedic doctor told me that the pressure variance would fuck with my swollen elbow so I took one for prevention. Looking around the plane moving my head side to side… yea I am a little bit loopy. HeHe!

Lates…

Wrecked

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 03:12:17 GMT

So I became a statistic. Most motorcycle accidents happen within the first 6 months of riding. It is for this reason that insurance is so high and that I did not get a Harley as my first bike.

I was driving behind a white work van on 285 just before Riverside Drive. The traffic was heavy and we were probably going 45-55 mph. The guy slams on his brakes and I must have glanced away for a second because all I saw was the back of the van rushing towards me. I slammed on both brakes. Earlier in the week I had noted that my front brakes seemed to be getting a little loose. It seems they were just fine as my front wheel locked. The bike began to wobble and the handlebars jerked. I went down. I dont think I made a sound but I distinctly remember my engine rev to full and let off a very loud roar... as if it were screaming for me. And then WHAM.

The process of events from there of course happened too fast for recollection. I hit the alphalt, well rather my bike hit it... and I just remember coming to a stop on my right side with the bike still between my legs. Quickly I got out from under it and righted it. I looked ahead and saw the van farther and farther in the distance. I grabbed my mirror from the pavement, held the clutch, and walked it over to the suicide lane. I put it in first, gave the engine a crank and she was running. I heard behind me a woman yelling if I was OK. I waved and started to drive off. Then a police officer woman walked up beside me and asked if I was OK. I was like, damn you guys are quick to respond.

Turns out she was just two cars behind and saw it happen. She advised me to take it easy and wait for an ambulence that she had called. I chilled for a while and gathered myself. I thanked both the officer and the woman that had stopped behind me. Not more than 3 minutes later another police car showed up and within 5 minutes the interstate was blocked off by two firetrucks.

I felt like a huge asshole. And I was. If it were me behind all that shit I would have been pissed as all get out. Either way with the adrenaline pumping I didnt feel anything was wrong so I told the paramedics I did not need their assistance. A cop walked my bike over to the side and I followed them over. He filled out a report but did not issue a ticket.

I patched myself up a little and then drove the bike back to work. In retrospect I should have driven it on home because as the swelling in my sore elbow increased I could not move it. It was odd too, because I had landed on my right side. I made it back to work and tried to get some billable time done. It was getting kinda hard to concentrate and I was feeling naseauous, same feeling as when I broke my back bones, so I decided to go home. I toughed it out for a while and then decided I wanted some painkillers. I could either drive to Athens and get some on the blackmarket or get some legally. I figured I would try to get them legal and resell... recoup some financial losses. I went to the ER, got xrays and better bandages, and a perscription for percoset. Not much resale value on that.

So the damage? I don't know how I have a right food. My boot was torn to pieces, the footpedal was bent and scraped up bad (you could see where it had been drug, long silver lines on the pavement). Rear brake pedal bent. Right mirror had been ripped off (metal broken) at the brake manifold (have to be replaced). Driving it back home tonight I realized that the handlebars are bent (I wanted to replace them anyway). The tank is dented in about 3 places and scratched pretty bad on one. Back tail light broken off but still works... just needs a screw back on (which I have incidentally). Other than that... she drives fine. I cant tell any difference in balance but I will still have everything checked out. I hope its under $500. If its more than that I will just put the bike on Craigslist as is, take my money, save some more and buy a Ducati in a few months.

Me? Minor scrapes, bruises, and a broken left radius at the elbow. How I broke my left elbow I have no fucking clue. My only guess is that when the handlebars snapped right it pulled my left arm with it. My ankle started hurting this morning, figures. Legs are sore, etc. But I have percocet. Went to orthopedic doctor and he told me to move it as soon as possible to avoid losing range of motion. Its my bad elbow to start with as I have had trouble with it when working out ever since I hyper-extended it bushhogging on the tractor. Oh well, one of those things that will come back to make my later years miserable. After co-pays it has cost me $135+

I still managed to drive it back home tonight. She runs good so I figure we both lucked out. I had said that my first accident was going to be my last regardless... that you only get one warning/change. I really couldnt wait to get back on it though, especially how minor this turned out to be. From now on I am not going to sacrifice image for safety. I am glad I had the full helmet on... might have fucked my face up otherwise. I'll also be wearing gloves (I'm missing a little palm skin :P)

A big thanks to Tally for being a wonderful nurse and taking care of me the past few days. The arm is getting better by the day and I am excited about Chicago... plane leaves in the morning. And I just KNOW the fascist fuckers are going to make me remove my sling and splint on my arm... ugh. Gotta sleep.

mmm percocet

mmm green tea

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 03:38:26 GMT

I am sitting here sipping on green tea watching Eve Online patch itself after today's update. Mmm green tea.

Late last week I was at a client site and noticed the boss there drinking greenish liquid from a massive cooler. I asked him what it was and why he had so much. He told me it was green tea and he filled it in the morning and drank it all day. I did some reading on the supposed benefits of this millenia old medicinal beverage and decided to give it a try. Turns out I already had some in my cabinet. At a client's today there was unlimited green tea packets and a machine that dispensed perfectly brewed cups. I must have drank 8 cups all day.

I got my first credit card today. Its gold. Meaning I cant really impress as if I had a platinum card or something. I might as well have copper with my $1500 credit limit. Ah well. Maybe one day I will move up to uranium.

Still number one at work and just a few days from my 3 day vacation to Chicago. Tommorow I have a billable drive time on-site. That means I get to ride my motorcycle for almost an hour and a half of the working day and get paid for it....

FUCK

Yoshimi just stuck her damn tail in my green tea. Dammit to hell

for kim

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 02:02:31 GMT

"I Just Shot John Lennon"

It was the fearful night of December 8th.
He was returning home from the studio late.
He had perseptively known that it wouldn't be nice.
Because in 1980, he paid the price.

John Lennon died. [X6]

With a Smith & Wesson 38,
John Lennon's life was no longer a debate.
He should have stayed at home,
He should have never cared,
And the man who took his life declared,

He said I just shot John Lennon.
He said I just shot John Lennon.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.

Ah, ah ah ah, ah...

I just shot John Lennon.
He said I just shot John Lennon.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.

Ah, ah ah ah, ah...

Weekend

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 21:49:33 GMT

So the weekend...

Went down to Athens on Friday. Rolled for the first time, hard. I am adding that to my list of acceptable recreation. I finally understand why it ties in so closely with raves, clubs, and beat heavy music in general. It was also the first time I really and truly felt free and open and happy going downtown Athens. Usually being the agoraphobe I am I have a hard time really relaxing. I am aways watchin my clock for it to finally be 2am and bars close so my friends would clear out and I could go home to safety. Not this time. This time I didnt want the night to end. It was either what I was under or the company I was with. I think it was the latter. I didnt have to worry about chatting up any other girl or be self concious about anything. I was very very content.

I got a speeding ticket coming back from seeing family. 85 in a 55 by a city of Jasper cop. I looked up a map and according to it I was not inside the city limits. When I got pulled over I was listening to "Float On." So I didnt have a care in the world when I was pulled over and didnt have a care as I drove off and accelerated back to 85.

I dreaded the trip up there for the simple fact of dealing with family. It turned out not so bad though as there was a policial/family strife going on. Apparently my cousin, who teaches sunday school to the younger kids, had been ousted. Now, every time I go up there despite the fact that it is a ages 9-18 class I go to his. I also notice that several adults join the class as well. In fact he began accumulating the largest class of any of the other teacher.

His uncle (related to me by marriage, and blood somewhere down the line) had ordered these sunday school books with a prayer. If said this prayer was all you need to get into heaven, according to the book. Now for those not familiar with Baptists, or rather that particular Baptist faith, that is a faux pas. You are supposed to follow a less rigid path to "get into heaven" that of course can be backed up by a Biblical scripture somewhere. This did not fly with my cousin and so he refused to teach from the book. I had noticed in his classes that he mostly taught from the Bible and very loosely taught from the pamphlets. I just never took heed of how deep this commitment to tradition had run with him... nor how much it would go the wrong way.

His uncle holds no official position within the church. But he holds absolute power, as I learned. He is not a deacon (the official church leaders) but has control over their voting through various means of influence. In essence politics ensue. My cousin is a VERY well respected member of the church and also VERY influential. He was put into the Sunday school teaching position as it is a common way to groom men into the next church leaders. His uncle had seen him into the position ten years ago perhaps as a protege.

That changed when he defied his uncle. During conference, the annual meeting for church business, the teachers and pastor are elected along with other church business. During the deacons meeting the past Thursday they made up the actual ballot to be voted on. My cousin was not on the list. Essentially, like all political bodies, conference was just a show for the thing actually decided during the deacon's meeting. My cousin was not placed on the ballot.

I found this little microcasm of political strife fascinating. Simply fascinating. It made my endurance of being told what to believe this Sunday morning tolerable as I had something to dwell on in my head while the preacher ranted on.

mmm beer

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 22:22:39 GMT

So I am sitting here at a client site, a very cool client, that offered me their fridge while I worked late. Beer. Corona Light to be specific. Its taking the edge off a very long day. My billable today is going to be huge... and I don't get paid for it yet, damn.

Not to mention I have to be into work early tommorow morning for my shift. I already have issues to take care of first thing and then SOMEONE, rather SOME'KITTY', decided to dump something on me. In the words of Kim Jong-Il from Team American: World Police: "Do you have any idea how fucking busy I am?"

Stuff

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 05:02:45 GMT

Rednecks vs Yuppie
Watch the video through til the end.

In other news, news that I don't care about because all it concerns is One Beautiful White Child, Jon Benet Ramsey's killer was apparently from Conyers, GA. Whodathunkit?
Linkie

I am in one of those moods tonight where I am tired but keep going on. I am finding productive (more or less) things to do like transfering the paltry sums of money to my name into different accounts to perhaps get a few more cents of interest every month. Which btw, fyi is a good idea to transfer your savings to PayPal and put your account into their yeild. They have a money market that earns a decent chunk. Basically they are not an FDIC insured institution, operate outside of most government banking regulations, and can sieze and deny access to your money at any time... ergo risk versus reward gives a high return. My $80 in there was earning twice as much per month as $500 in a Bank of America savings ($0.39 versus $0.18). So in essence I am losing precious, mind soothing sleep tonight so that I can make $2 more/year.

Chicago is a week away almost. I have yet to go but I already want to schedule another trip. Getting out, seeing someplace new is good for anyone. I need it. I have worked all summer long. Have yet to take a sick day. All year long since February when I went to Boston. Damn... thats a long ass time. I can't believe I am capable of such a work ethic.

So to close for the night I just want to say that I love the little brown headed cuties in my life. You know who you are and despite the fact that I am told I can be an all around ass, I care more than I show. There is and always will be a little part of me inside of you.

(heh heh heh)

Science

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 03:40:06 GMT

I read a study today that said male circumcision may reduce the chance of contracting HIV by 60%. Of course that does not change my stance that it is a CRUEL FUCKING EXAMPLE OF UTTER CHILD ABUSE practiced as a religious holdover with absolutely no medical evidence to suggest infection prevention or any other BS.
Linkie

Aside from that I read another study that said women's sex drive drops dramatically within months of establishing a commited relationship. Once she has acquired a stable mate she no longer has to worry about keeping him and thus can stop putting out. Concurrently, if a male is highly desireable (i.e., can do better) her sex drive will remain higher longer.
Linkie

Thanks science for stating the obvious. Again, another testament to why marriage is really just a chick thing. Why does a woman smile on her wedding day? No more head.
An email discussion with a friend of mine on the subject:

Me: Like they needed to fund research to find that out. It makes a ton of sense and I plan to use this kind of insight to my advantage. It also shows clearly that what you've got going on [a multi-thousand mile relationship] is actually the best way to keep shit going strong. Kudos dude.
Friend: So what I'm getting from this, is get a sales job, where you travel a lot on the weekdays ........ and while you're at it, get a MBA to get the educational qualifications .... this should enchance your chances of obtaining a lot of sex in your early to late 30s.
Me: I dont want to think about being 30 tho...
Friend: i think some of the same principles apply to a lot of women though ... .. besides, you might as well play it smart and think about what you want when you are 30 ....
Me: I did. I bought a motorcycle and drive it with wreckless disregard for my life =P
Friend: haha, nice

thought

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 03:33:35 GMT

I was doing a little introspection lately. Something rare.

I figured out why all the things about me I want to change, even if changed, would not really benefit me in the ways that I wish.

This mainly goes for dating. Yes, you made me think.

Its not that I am an asshole, its that I don't care. Well, most of the time. If I express genuine concern, pay a deserved compliment to lift someone up, its because I do invest an interest in someone else. I am too lazy to be disingenuous.

Right now I am too concerned with myself. The whole idea of dating is that you take some time, some money, some thought, some effort, and invest it in another person. These concepts are almost completely foreign to me. Like another language. The idea is, in theory, that it is a taste of what one might expect from you in a relationship. Everyone wants to be cared about.

Except me. I am having a very hard time re-establishing and maintaining emotional bonds with my family. The whole lot of them and their culture seem so distant.

The reason that brought this up was the epiphany that a girl I asked out a while ago actually later came back and gave me a chance. I didnt really see it as a chance. In fact, I now realize that I fucked things up a bit by not actually doing the simple thing... going out. She called and said she was down for going and doing something. I had some friends coming over to smoke and asked for her to join us. She seemed less than entertained the duration of the not-so-outing.

As copykitty once advised me, keep trying if you really care (or something to that effect) I should. But then I realized... I don't really have much knowledge of fun shit to do in ATL. I picked up a creative loafing and browsed through it. Lots of cool stuff to do in there. OK... Once I get there, get settled in... what then?

And then it hit me... I have no fucking clue how to date as an adult. Inviting someone to a party, hanging out with them in groups where I am comfortable, just isnt going to cut it. I have to get things one on one... shit. I can't function around a girl that I like. Thats why as of late I have reverted back to being an utterly obnoxious asshole to any girl that I think is starting to get a crush on me. Without that block, that wall, they are going to get under my skin and turn me into a blithering, slipping on my own drool, idiot.

If I meet an attractive girl, one that is flawless, beautiful, and without any annoying airheaded qualities... chances are by the end of the night I will call her a bitch at some point in the conversation. I really dont bother giving myself a chance or feeding into their inflated egos.

Because what does it matter? With the exception of phluff85 all my crushes have never amounted to anything. The rest have just been girls that have some wierd attraction to me for whatever reason that I take advantage of for my own gratification. That is, until they figure out it was only them that was crushing.

So karma then to all my jaded experiences. Swell, wrote my own conclusion to a musing.

Pay no mind

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 02:30:22 GMT

kind of a downer, don't ruin a good mood

I feel less and less bad about not working for them anymore.

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 04:16:54 GMT

CASH
bought it
Hurt

not to me
fine

Sweet

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 03:15:42 GMT

Got my bike. Rode it all the way from Kennesaw down 75 in the rain. No problem. Sweetness. Crazy sweet. Pics later.

fired... again

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 04:38:10 GMT

So I don't have to go to Duluth anymore. I should be ecstatic to get fired, having now cleared my conscience of a moral dillema due to national affiliation with this company. Tommorow I will be ecstatic I guess. Tonight I muse and vent.

You know the good thing about working a normal job is that you have a little bit of security. Security in the sense that you always know how your week is going to pan out, more or less. If anything were to happen to your job... they would wait until Friday to fire you.

Not when you are a contractor. Its pretty much a here today gone tommorow kind of sense. Tuesdays are just fine for people that don't actually work for you.

I jinxed myself today when I had a service tech order a Dell warranty part for my laptop. I told him "ship it here, I will be here for two weeks."

Disregard the fact that while there they expect the same loyalty and work ethic as a normal employee. And that the people begin to treat you as one in a personal and professional sense.

So it stings to be told they don't want you there anymore.

People don't like to look bad. That is the bottom line. Reflecting back as I am wont to do at this point makes me think about the catalysts I know of.

Corporate politics. Like I bitched here about a while back. That incident was one factor. A total BS of people being brought to light that were not able to fix a problem.

Then Monday. I learned a lesson from all this. When dealing with big dogs, big dogs with big egos... to please them you must be their lapdog and fawn around until they tell you explicitly to scram.

So when I am working on an issue with a user and my cell rings Monday morning its the local freakout. In panic mode as normal. The head dude has a problem with his computer, come right away.

His monitor will not work. I assess the situation. Ok, let's plug it directly to the laptop... fine. Monitor fine, laptop fine, good. Look at the docking station... no power cord. He left it at home.

...

I tell him that is the problem. I then go back to my other pressing matter.

Cell rings again. Another problem. His Internet connection is not working. I go to his office again. This time the lady of policy is there, uncomfortably over my shoulder the whole time, watching me. I know she has zero technical expertise so it is not like she is assisting. I sensed that I was under scruntinty but the fact of the matter did not become clear to me until now. The problem took 5 seconds to resolve and I was back to my user.

Third call. Three words; font size problem. Adjust resolution and done.

As I write this I am considering how fucked up this is. She isnt supposed to have my goddamn cell phone anyway. Document the problem, all the fucking problems, and tell me like procedure dictates.

Servers go down. Call me.
A computer blows up. Call me.
CEO cannot get email. Hell, yes you may call me.

But to get fired because of some motherfucking CEO's fucking aesthetic preferences not being telepathically broadcast to me in full because his English sucks... fuck all.

I'll tell the rest of the story about how I found out. It was not by those that are supposed to be straight with me, it was by myself and my own 6th sense for bad people vibes.